𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐮𝐛𝐢𝐧 𝐎𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐃𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐊𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐧 𝐍𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠

A few weeks ago, I met a highly educated Junubi lady at a beauty parlour. I had seen her before in professional spaces connected to work I had done in the past, though we were never friends, nor did we share mutual friends. As is my habit with acquaintances, I greeted her politely and then sat down to get my nails done.

After a while, she turned to me and asked, “Which hospital do you work at? By the way, I don’t know where you work or what you do. Which doctor are you?” She knows from meetings in the professional spaces that I am a doctor. She asked with a dismissive look. Her words unsettled me. Not because curiosity is wrong, but because the phrasing carried little courtesy or respect.

Over the years, I have often encountered similar interactions, usually from Junubin, and often women, where the opening line is, “By the way, I don’t know what you do,” without first talking about themselves to make the other person not feel weird. Each time, I am left feeling diminished, or interrogated. Unless I extend compassion and remind myself that perhaps the person simply lacks the finesse of good communication for networking, the moment feels more like a dismissal than a genuine interest.

Such openers may sound harmless, but they carry undertones of condescension. They suggest that the other person is yet to prove their worth, as if curiosity is a license to pry without first offering respect. The result is poor networking. The one asked feels unsafe, and the one asking appears unskilled in people relations.

A more graceful way to know what an acquaintance or stranger does exists. Start with yourself: “I work in this field and I’m curious about what you do nowadays.” Or, “I’ve heard a little about your work and would love to know more.” This transforms the conversation into an exchange rather than an interrogation. Networking, after all, is not about cornering people with blunt questions. It is about cultivating trust through humility, courtesy, and genuine interest.

As for me, the next time someone asks in that manner, I may not extend silent compassion. Instead, I will gently but firmly ask: “Why do you phrase your question in a way that feels dismissive? Is that how you would want to be asked about your work, and how would you feel?” On good days, I will respond with, “Thanks for asking. How about we start with you. What are you doing with your life nowadays?” For sometimes, wisdom is not in enduring poor manners quietly, but in helping others see how to do better.